


wish you were sober

by prettierthanforsythia



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Blowjobs, Drinking, Explicit Sexual Content, Family Issues, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, bc they don’t know how to talk, drunk sex but everything is consensual, handjobs, longfic, maybe mutual pining, soft and loyal friends everywhere, they don’t talk, they just good at grabbing each other’s dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:21:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24279514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettierthanforsythia/pseuds/prettierthanforsythia
Summary: It was getting really hard not to imagine things while Wooyoung danced and looked at San over and over. The blonde had already drunk a lot and didn't need to spend more than ten minutes watching him to notice the countless beers he picked up and discarded. San swore he had seen the other smile over the mouth of the bottle. Towards him.It was there that San signed to ride this infinite roller coaster that would become part of his life.or: wooyoung is only brave when drunk and san is a completely fool in love(based on “wish you were sober” by conan gray)
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	wish you were sober

**Author's Note:**

> hello????
> 
> well, i’ve been writing this fic for two months now, and i’ve decided to share w u!! just want to say that this is just for fun and english is not my first language, so i’m really sorry if there’s any grammatical errors :( 
> 
> if anyone wants read the portuguese (pt-br) version, here’s the link! https://www.spiritfanfiction.com/historia/wish-you-were-sober-19183274
> 
> and thanks bee for checking if there’s any errors in hereee!! 
> 
> bre, here it is your child being posted again, love u

**Party #10 – Present**

The music echoed majestically from the gate. Even if it was muffled, the vibration could be felt below your feet, as if the melody had infiltrated the earth with its high volume. San already knew the music genre that was playing – clearly an EDM – and wanted to die immediately. He had no idea why he kept going to those college parties, where he hated most of the people and spent the entire time drinking alcoholic drinks of dubious quality. His best friend vehemently refused whenever the opportunity arose. Well, every weekend, so to speak. The other friend always promised to go and in the end he never showed up. However, somehow, San stopped there, in houses that he had never been to before or that he had already met at other parties.

Who did San want to fool? There was only one thing that drew him to dens like this. Or rather, a person.

Passing through the door, he noticed that the house was already full and the air automatically became hot. Everywhere couples danced together, friends talked, drinks were raised in the air and laughter floated around. The dark-haired boy sighed. It could be cool to like that. It was a very different view from his own, but sometimes he imagined what it should be like, enjoying interacting with people and simply being in their presence. Weird.

San lifted his neck and began his search for him. He knew he was here because since the first party, he never missed one. The boy was one of those who had a different vision and loved to be in the presence of a sweaty and drunk crowd, including himself. His blond hair was nowhere to be seen. A tightness in the chest suddenly tormented San. He kind of panicked, being honest. Maybe Wooyoung and his damn smile didn’t go to that party. Wherever he looked, there was no sign of the other. It shouldn’t be difficult to find him, and the house that night was no stranger to San. Quite the contrary: it was full of memories. In the backyard, in the bedroom, in the bathroom.

He seriously asked himself if he should leave, containing the urge to fight with his inner self for having decided to appear there. San stopped on the stairs and studied the environment below. It was early for people to be drunk, but trying to find someone sober there was quite a challenge already. He shrugged. It wouldn’t hurt to drink a little before deciding to crawl out the window. The boy headed for the kitchen in search of a beer. In the meantime, he tried not to blame himself for the fact that Wooyoung didn't show up.

**Party #1 – Past**

What a shitty party. San should have listened to Hongjoong when he said that nothing good came from college parties. After all, he was his veteran and that had to do for something, but San felt that his only brain cell refused to be wise most of the time. Or the universe was amused by the wrong decisions he made. Whatever. Something was conspiring against him and it was nothing new. 

**sani!!! @sannnnnchoi**

this party sucks so bad i literally HATE everyone here. fucking geez… what if i crawl out the window? 

**hongjoong @itsjoong**

Replying to: **@sannnnnchoi**

? why by the window and not by.. idk… THE FUCKING DOOR? like a normal person

**mingi @iluvthisong**

watching hongjoong ask the impossible for san and LAUGHING A LOT.. good night moots 

**sani!!! @sannnnnchoi**

Replying to: **@iluvthisong**

FUCK YOU????? you should be here btw???

San dropped the phone beside him on the window seat, and looked out for the thousandth time. Getting out there would be easy. It was on the ground floor and it leadead to the backyard. It seemed so much calmer and peaceful on that side. His eyes darted around the room again as he took the last sip of the beer bottle he was holding. The bodies swayed at the same disconcerting rhythm as the music. If you paid close attention to the dark corners, you would see couples kissing or doing other things that San wouldn't want to witness. But there was one person in particular that he was having a lot of fun watching. I mean, “fun” was not quite what he was feeling. In fact, San was on fire.

It was not the first time that he had laid eyes on the bleached-haired boy. Whether in the college hallway, in the living room, in the cafeteria or on the way home, he always found himself staring at the other. Wooyoung was too beautiful to be true. At that moment, its threads carried a lavender shade, almost disappearing in the mostly blonde hair. His smile had something too powerful to just not notice. When his laughter echoed in the room, it took a lot of effort on San's part to restrain his lips of curving. He wanted to record it and maybe turn it on his cellphone ringtone. Strange, yeah. San was that kind of romantic, cliché and everything. His sign didn't lie, after all.

Of course, it was all one-sided and there was no return. San didn't care about that. Despite feeling a hint of hope whenever Mingi warned that Wooyoung was looking at him. Sometimes, it was even possible to confirm the fact, but as soon as San met his gaze, he turned away and not in a frightened way, but only in a “i-stared-unintentionally-my-bad” way. Then, in the place of hope, only conformity entered.

However, it was getting very difficult not to imagine things while Wooyoung danced and looked at San over and over. The blonde had already drunk a lot and didn't need to spend more than ten minutes watching him to notice the countless beers he picked up and discarded. San swore he had seen the other smile over the mouth of the bottle. Towards him. San’s cheeks heated up violently and he wanted to laugh. He felt like he was twelve again, when he noticed that he was euphoric around boys. Wooyoung's hair swayed, looking extremely soft, as his body moved and San wondered if he ever wanted to get his hands on something like this now.

A group came into view. One of them fell to the ground and the entire contents of his glass spilled onto the floor, and it almost spilled on San. The friends started screaming and laughing, forgetting to help the fallen one to get up.

Right. He really hated everyone there. He took out his cellphone and in one last failed attempt to catch a glimpse of Wooyoung, San opened the window locks.

He leaned over to calculate the fall, the wind mercifully hitting his face, and luckily he saw that it wouldn't be that high. Nothing to fear. He was more concerned with feeling suffocated and trapped at a party that he detested. And yes, he could have walked out by the door, as Hongjoong said. But the room was too crowded and he would have to pass a lot of people to get there, so he didn't think it would be worth it.

San took a deep breath, put his feet on the parapet and jumped. It was more like "threw himself", because it was nothing majestic. It was a maximum of two meters, but even so it didn't stop the boy from closing his eyes. The ground came quickly and the thud on the grass hit his ears. His knees hit the surface below and his fingers gripped the earth. San opened his eyes and sighed heavily at the relief his ears felt when he noticed that the sound of trees swaying and crickets singing was louder than the music; that the air there was pure and not smothered with the smell of alcohol. Getting up, San turned and looked at the window just above his head. He noticed the flashes of lights inside coming out like an accelerated rainbow. For an instant an invasive thought crossed his mind and made his chest ache a little. San kind of wish Wooyoung was coming after him. He rolled his eyes at himself and left the window, listening to the leaves break beneath his sneakers. San could have stayed and paid to see if anything would happen between the two. He would drink a little more and perhaps with that help, he would take action himself. But that really wasn't his crowd. It wasn't even close to it.

Halfway there, San heard another thud behind him, like what he did when he fell and was startled. Instinctively he looked towards the window, but he already had an idea that it was going to be some drunk and irritating college student, falling by choice or because he was pushed. Maybe he shouldn't have opened that crap.

Sometimes San liked to be wrong.

The sight and surprise made his heart leap and his stomach sank in the blizzard. Amazing what your body can do when you're interested in someone. Wooyoung stood up wiping his knees that were showing in his ripped jeans. San swallowed. He had been paying attention to those black jeans most of the night. The piece was really tight and the boy's thighs were…

“I think you must have fallen with more style,” Wooyoung's voice echoed in the space between the two, pulling him out of his sordid thoughts and almost startled again. San noticed that his smile was so inviting that they even looked intimate.

San allowed a laugh to come out of his throat. It looked convincing, though. No panic. “Honestly? It was very pitiful.” 

Wooyoung laughed and San, as always, stopped the urge to take his phone out of his pocket and record. It felt good to be the reason for his laughter. San could get used to it.

The bleached-haired one pointed to the window behind his back. “Running away from the party?”

“Or from the awful beer, maybe,” San shrugged.

“I think on the third one I stopped feeling the taste. But by remembering the first, you’re right.” 

His smile diminished to a more timid one and somehow San's smile increased to one that he reserved only for one situation. He was pretty sure it applied to that. If it were the other way around, he would feel extremely ridiculous – the next day, of course, since he had alcohol in his blood and that made it difficult for him to think properly. Because, seriously, they were flirting. San was not that oblivious.

Before Wooyoung left the window, San was headed for a wooden bench that was now not that far from him. Without asking or waiting for the other, he continued on his way to get there, certain that Wooyoung would follow. It took only a few moments until the sound of the boy's footsteps behind him was present. San felt a little invincible at that moment, he should admit.

The boy's presence beside him was making him electric. When he sat down and saw Wooyoung doing the same, facing him; San suddenly thought that the stars above them were shining brighter than usual. San rested his arm on the bench, the side of his body against the back of it. The other imitated the same position. San felt that they were too close and at the same time too far. Wooyoung's eyes were loaded in a way that was making San intoxicated.

“We study at the same college, same course,” Wooyoung broke the silence.

“Yes. Same room and stuff,” San held a laugh because it was such a pathetic situation. It was not possible that this was happening.

“It’s a pity that we haven’t spoken before,” the hoarse and low Wooyoung’s voice caused a series of chills in San. But he wanted to believe that the wind that blew was to blame.

“Sure, but it's not like you can notice me a lot.”

“Ah, believe me, San, I noticed.”

He didn't think that looking startled was exactly sexy or valid in a flirtation, but Wooyoung should think otherwise, because he smiled and approached in the bench. San's heart was starting to become more destabilized than usual. It should be very heartbreaking to be happy for the other to know his name, and he should certainly have a little bit more of self-confidence. But he knew how to pretend to be confident and that was one of San's greatest blessings. He’d just been caught out of the guard. “Really?”

Wooyoung nodded and rested his cheek on his hand. “I was hoping to see you at a party and you never came. But I think my luck has changed today,” He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

Okay, that boy was doing a lot better at that than San. And he was really enjoying seeing the variations of Wooyoung's smiles.

“But I almost lost it because I saw you running away.”

“It turns out that…” it was San's turn to approach. “I don't like the people here very much.”

“Oh,” he could feel the other's breath hit his face and the atmosphere was getting thick. San noticed the indecision in Wooyoung's eyes running across his face and held the air without noticing. “But suddenly, is there any reason why you came, or…” 

Wooyoung left the question hanging and San felt dizzy.

**Friday, the day before party #1**

“Tomorrow there will be a party at Lucas's house,” Mingi announced out of nowhere. San looked sideways at his friend.

“Again?” Hongjoong, who eventually was tooking a few bites out of his apple, didn't even look up from the book when answered.

“Well, it's Lucas. Most parties are at his house.”

“Will you go?” San asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

It was then that his best friend raised his head to look at him.

“What?” He raised his hands as if surrendering. “Sometimes it can be cool.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes and focused on his studies again. Hongjoong really was against all college parties and it was nothing new. San thought it had something to do with Seonghwa, but he never questioned anything. And well, if that were the case, San was about to make the same mistake as his best friend.

“Do you wanna go, San?” Mingi asked, biting his sandwich.

No, he didn't really want to. He lifted his neck to look over Hongjoong's shoulder who was in front of him, with as much subtlety as he could, and caught a glimpse of the faded lavender color of Wooyoung's hair. He felt a chill in his belly when Wooyoung looked up at the same moment, as if he knew San was looking for him. He could have sustained it if he hadn't felt a huge gay panic in the pit of his stomach and he shrunk to answer Mingi. The bad news was that Mingi, with all his size, didn't have to lift his neck to notice the direction of San's gaze. When the friend’s attention returned to him, he was smiling mischievously.

“You! You wanna go because of Wooyoung.” 

“Hello? I never said that.” 

“And do you really need to say it? For God's sake,” Hongjoong grunted making some notes in his notebook.

“See!” Mingi pointed. “But smart of you, he really goes in all of them.” 

“Yeah. I know.” 

San grimaced thinking about Wooyoung's fame and didn't want to think about it too much.

“I have the address of the house, I’ll share it and we can go. And don't think I didn't see him looking at you now,” Mingi took another bite of his snack, looking at San as if he had discovered gravity.

With that, he suspected he was making the wrong decision.

**Party #1 – Past**

At that point, the rhythm of San's heartbeat was disconcerting. It was ringing in his ears and the tension was so palpable that his entire body was hot. The scent of Wooyoung exuded along with the smell of the cheap beer they were serving at the party and, strangely, San thought there could be no better combination.

“Well, you got it right, there's a reason,” San practically whispered; their faces were so close.

“Yeah?” Wooyoung lifted his face and his hand now free ventured to remove a lock of San's hair that fell in his eyes. The touch of his fingers was gentle when they crossed his forehead and followed the path behind his ear, leaving a trail of fire. “And would you mind telling me?”

 _If I knew all the secrets of the universe, I would tell you right now, Wooyoung._ San's hands trembled slightly as he felt the other's digits continue on their way to the back of his neck, circular movements there. Every fiber of San’s being was waking up in a phenomenal way and breathing was getting so, so hard.

San moistened his lips and pinned his bottom lip between his teeth. Wooyoung's eyes followed this movement and released a heavy breath afterwards. So it wasn't just difficult for him.

"You," San replied, taking Wooyoung's concentration out of his mouth, the other's dark eyes connecting to his. ”I came because of you, Wooyoung.”

With a bravery that only alcohol could give, San rested one of his hands on the boy's thigh, imitating the movements he was still doing on the back of his neck, having the pleasure of seeing another gasp coming out of him.

He wanted to kiss Wooyoung. He was about to do that, because Wooyoung's face was closer and closer and San closed his eyes, could feel the other's lips almost touching his and…

”Can I?” Wooyoung whispered tickling his mouth. San opened his eyes, the others’ eyes already on him, and blinked a few times, squinting at the proximity.

He gave a half-disbelieving and half-sighed laugh. He was asking for permission even in the midst of such tension. It was supposed to laugh.

“Yes. Just kiss me already.”

Without waiting anymore, their lips collided, at the same time that the affection on the back of his neck immediately turned into a tug. San's hand on his thigh turned into a grip. The softness of Wooyoung's mouth was much more incredible than what San fantasized about. The boy kissed him as if he were dying of thirst and finally managed to have a glass of water. Which was funny, because San felt just like that, after so long wondering what it must be like to run his hands over Wooyoung's body while enjoying his kiss.

In sync, the tongues met and both made a guttural sound from the back of their throat. It set things on fire a little more, because in the next instant, San felt Wooyoung pulling his hair tighter and honestly thought he was going to go crazy. The frequency of the kiss was getting more and more intense, San losing himself in the way Wooyoung arched forward when he squeezed his waist and how he groaned when his hands slid inside his shirt. The skin below contracted and San marveled at the softness again. He felt the bleached-haired man run a hand that was not in his hair down his thigh, rising, rising and coming close to the point where San was beginning to feel uncomfortable in his own pants.

Holy shit.

San needed to breathe, but he never wanted to stop kissing Wooyoung. It was definitely the best kiss of his life. Coming up with a solution, San bit the boy's bottom lip and pulled, watching the way Wooyoung took a deep breath. When he released it, San was panting, and smiled, a little maddened. The other returned the smile and soon became serious again, drawing air between his teeth. Wooyoung was beautiful, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen, his shirt rumpled. San just thought the only thing that was too straight was his hair. He would have to fix this. He pulled Wooyoung by the scruff and again, they were kissing. With more force than before. They were making more and more noise, with heavy breaths and sounds of pleasure as their hands ventured over each other's bodies.

San would be addicted to that. He was afraid to cross any limits; his body betrayed his will in tremors, chills, pulsations in very specific parts and he felt that he was going to explode. Luckily for him, under his palms he felt Wooyoung's skin prickle so many times that he immediately knew he wasn't back or forward. They were on the same wavelength.

It was there that Choi San signed up for a ride on that endless roller coaster that would become part of his life. That's when Choi San fell in love the first 10% with Jung Wooyoung.

**Monday, the day after party #1**

“Didn't he text you?” Mingi asked for the hundredth time.

“No,” San shrugged, pretending indifference.

It was still early, and they were waiting to give class time in the courtyard. He liked to be an idiot and hoped that Wooyoung would pass by and come to talk to him.

“Tell the end again. After you kissed erotically on the bench in the backyard.”

San shot eyes at Mingi and the boy started to laugh.

“Wait, you gave me the nasty details!”

“You begged him to give it, Mingi,” Hongjoong defended, but carried a tense tone of voice.

San knew that tone and knew that his best friend was nothing more, nothing less, than worried.

“Well, the poor guy here is waiting to kiss that crazy guy's mouth since he stepped foot in this college. I don’t think that it was difficult for him to tell all this stuff. Was it, San?”

San’s face heated up, delivering the answer. He heard his friends start to laugh and rolled his eyes. It would be more fun if he weren't feeling like he were going to throw up.

“Anyway, the end was: Wooyoung's house is close to Lucas's, like, about ten minutes, so I offered to accompany him. We held hands till we were at his door. He kissed me before entering and took my number. I also took his. I got home, texted and it just wasn't delivered. Wooyoung didn't send one either. That's it.”

A silence was present and San hated it all because it made him feel extremely stupid and deluded. Mentally exhausted, he got up from the stone table and put his backpack on one shoulder.

“I'm going... To advance some lessons. See you guys at the break.”

Wooyoung's fame was known. He’d go to parties, hook up with someone, and that was it. It’ll never happen again, not with the same person. San was tapping his pencil on his notebook trying to get that thought out of his head. When did he think he could be with Wooyoung again? No, that is not what brought him down. Perhaps it was the fact that there were no more words exchanged between the two and San didn't know if Wooyoung at least maintained contact or not. But damn, he wanted to. He spent the whole Sunday picking up his cellphone when it rang, in anxiety, only to be disappointed seeing that it was not Wooyoung.

San felt like a child. They were fucking drunk. It meant nothing. San should know better.

The room was already beginning to fill, and each person who entered, San straightened up a little and relaxed when he noticed that it was not the boy with bleached hair. Then, when it really was Wooyoung, all of his muscles tensed. The boy dressed so differently in college and San had no idea why he noticed it. But the pants were looser and there was nothing glued anywhere. He was practically drowned in a sweater and San imagined his scent on it all. San wanted to hug him and now that he knew what it was like to touch him, it hurt.

Do you know slow motion scenes? That messy cliché and all that? It turns out, it is not an invention. This kind of shit really happens. Because Wooyoung was looking at San and everything stopped and he held his breath and... Nothing on his face showed any change. San was sure his own was showing pure anxiety and Wooyoung’s didn't even hesitate. The world returned to normal speed when he broke eye contact and went to sit with Yeosang. He greeted his best friend, smiled, as if nothing had happened. He never once looked in the direction of San again.

You would think that afterwards Wooyoung would have gone after San or something like this, but I'm afraid to say that... No. And it was like that for the rest of the week.

San has never felt so pathetic in his life.

**hongjoong @itsjoong**

how to avoid punching someone u dislike in the face. wikihow 

**hongjoong @itsjoong**

how to avoid your best friend going in a mf party again 

**hongjoong @itsjoong**

how to avoid PUNCHING YOUR DAMN BEST FRIEND IN THE FACE

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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